Hello from the Magic Tavern – My Favorite Episodes

 

In late September and early October of 2018, the U.S. was captivated and divided by Christine Blasey Ford’s allegation that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had attempted to sexually assault her decades ago, in the 1980s, when they were both in high school.

Politically-focused national news organizations and podcasts were consumed by the story, and covered little else during that time.

I followed the story, but once I had learned of the day’s developments, I didn’t need to hear them over and over again. And there was only so much of that depressing story I could take.

Because the politically-focused websites and podcasts I frequented had little else to offer, I decided to look for something else to occupy my time.

That was how I discovered, “Hello from the Magic Tavern,” an improv comedy podcast based in a fantasy world similar to those found in “Lord of the Rings” or “The Chronicles of Narnia.” 

 

 

During my time at home during the Coronavirus pandemic, I have decided to revisit some of my favorite episodes of “Hello from the Magic Tavern,” which recently celebrated its fifth anniversary.

“Hello from the Magic Tavern” can be hit-or-miss in terms of its comedy. But its best episodes are amazing, and definitely worth your time if you have a similar sense of humor.

I wouldn’t classify the podcast as family friendly. Teenagers and adults will likely appreciate its Sophomoric and sometimes immature jokes.

I wouldn’t recommend listening to it with young children, unless you want to answer questions about potentially uncomfortable topics like bestiality.

There are also times where the podcast deals insensitively with difficult topics, but I don’t think that should deter potential listeners.

If you, like me, are tired of the constant depressing news about the COVID-19 pandemic, as news organizations are covering virtually nothing else, I would recommend giving “Hello from the Magic Tavern” a try.

Many of my favorite episodes are from the early days of the podcast. The more recent episodes are enjoyable, but if a new listener wants to give the series a chance, I would recommend listing to these gems first.  

Here are my five favorite episodes of “Hello from the Magic Tavern” in the order in which they were released on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 1

Hello from the Magic Tavern

 

In the first episode of “Hello from the Magic Tavern,” listeners are introduced to Arnie Niekamp, who fell through a magical portal behind a Burger King in Chicago and was transported into the magical and fantastical land of Foon.

The episode introduces Usidore, a wizard with many names who is on a quest to defeat the Dark Lord.

But the episode’s central focus is on a shape shifter named Chunt who transforms into the form of whatever animal he has sex with.

“Chunt: Basically, whatever creature I sleep with, I then become in a fortnight.

Arnie: When you say sleep with…

Chunt: Sex.

Arnie: I’ve got a lot of questions.”

Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are the cohosts of a large majority of the podcast’s episodes.

Season 1, Episode 4

The FML

In episode four, Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore interview Larry Birdman, who oversees a popular sports league in Foon.  

Birdman is the commissioner of the Foon Mittens League, which is abbreviated FML.

Despite the wide viewership of Mittens, Larry Birdman hopes to change some of the rules which he believes are breaking the game.

“Larry Birdman: If the Baskin takes a potted flower across 2,000 yards and gets it to the other end, that is one point.

Now my principal problem with the game is if a bird comes near the field and you catch it, that’s 700 points.”

Season 1, Episode 32

Offices and Bosses

 

In the world of Foon, some people play a game similar to Dungeons and Dragons, except they pretend to work office jobs on Earth.

In episode 32, the crew interviews Metamore, who discusses a fantasy role-playing game he regularly plays called, “Offices and Bosses.”

“Metamore: The idea is that everyone takes on a role in this fantasy world where you work in an office and try to avoid the evil boss. There are flying machines, magical gizmos, cities of millions of people, and buildings that are ten, twenty, or a hundred stories tall!”

The cohosts then begin a game of Offices and Bosses, with Metamore organizing the game as their “Office Manager.”

I love the concept of actors playing fantasy creatures who are themselves playing a role-playing game imagining they are working mundane office jobs.  

Season 1, Episode 41

Skeleton

In episode 41, the cohosts interview Clax the skeleton, a low-level beginning enemy, similar to those found in many video games, who guards a dungeon that contains a powerful sword.  

“Clax: You know the dungeons, the main dungeons. I’m basically the first level of token defense if you decide to delve in.”

The episode goes into great detail about Clax’s daily life, his backstory, and prominently features his happy-go-lucky attitude toward the afterlife. The jokes about the life of a skeleton, from Clax and others, are top notch.

“Usidore: I find that our elderly population often take jobs as greeters at the front. It’s a very common thing that happens to you later in your life… or later, after your life.”

Offices and Bosses

Season 1, Episode 4

Caball’on from I.Tree

 

The actors behind “Hello from the Magic Tavern” created “Offices and Bosses” as a spin-off podcast for listeners who paid for Stitcher Premium. Eventually, some of those episodes were released in the podcast feed for “Hello from the Magic Tavern,” which is available for free.

Caball’on, a loveably clueless tree, plays Gail Davidson-Durst, an IT professional,  during a game of Offices and Bosses with Metamore, Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore.

The episode is full of amazing jokes, including when Gail reveals to the organizer of a corporate ownership retreat, played by Metamore, that she is his ex-wife, even though the organizer doesn’t remember having been married to her.

Hilarity ensues early in the episode when several characters attempt to explain automobiles to Caball’on.

“Usidore: It’s an auto-mobile.

Caball’on: Oh, no!

Usidore: Yes. It’s a great metal monstrosity, with wheels on the bottom that carries you around, as if a carriage that had no horse.

Caball’on: Oh, did the horse get lost?

Usidore, befuddled, asking Arnie: Did the horse get lost?

Arnie: Yeah, horses kind of got lost a long time ago on my world. 

Metamore: And they actually moved… under the hood.

Chunt: Oh, their power still remains?

Metamore: Their power remains. It could be 50, 75, 100 horses.

Chunt: Tiny horses, I love tiny horses.

Usidore: Yes, so do I.

Metamore: A hundred tiny horses running on a treadmill.”

The episode features an advertisement from a board game store in Foon, which includes references to popular games from Earth. 

  

“Slobe Dobeman: Greetings! Tis I, Slobe Dobeman, inviting, woah nay, insisting, that you come frequent Slobe’s Emporium of Games!

Why buy your games from Mr. Bart’s Fun Cart, when we’ve got a much wider selection at Slobe’s Emporium of Games? 

We’ve got every game under the sun, and even some from under those weird moonless nights.

Starting up a game of Offices and Bosses, but don’t have a briefing case to hold your documents? We’ve got you covered!

Need the official rules of Boulder, Parchment, Broadsword? We’d be idiots not to have that in stock.

Then you’ve better believe we’re having a post Chris Must sale on new games, such as Gathering the Gathering, the card game where everyone comes together purely for the sake of assembly.

Or Significant Pursuit. Don’t shrug off these questions, for the stakes are too high!

Other new arrives include Frontgammon, Sweets Realm, Reckon Whom?, Chutes and Bladders, Large Expensive Book Z, Apologies, Receipt to Travel, Coranists of Tancat, and Alternating Black and Red Squares - The Game!

Hurry on down while supplies last. We are located in the stone well, behind the baby graveyard.

Just lower the bucket and yell your request, and we’ll bring you back up savings! And water. If you want water, we’ve got water as well. It is a well.

That’s Slobe’s Emporium of Games!”

My friends and I have been able to decipher many, but not all, of the references from the ad.

Offices and Bosses – Dungeons and Dragons

Boulder, Parchment, Broadsword — Rock, Paper, Scissors

Gathering the Gathering — Magic the Gathering

Significant Pursuit — Trivial Pursuit

Frontgammon — Backgammon

Sweets Realm — Candy Land

Reckon Whom? — Guess Who?

Chutes and Bladders — Chutes and Ladders

Large Expensive Book Z — No idea

Apologies — Sorry!

Receipt to Travel — Ticket to Ride

Coranists of Tancat — Settlers of Catan

Alternating Black and Red Squares, The Game — A checkerboard

In ranked order, my favorite episodes of “Hello from the Magic Tavern” are as follows.

1. Caball’on from I.Tree

2. Skeleton

3. Offices and Bosses

4. The FML

5. Hello from the Magic Tavern (Episode 1)

The following actors play key roles in those episodes.

Arnie Niekamp plays a fictional version of himself

Chunt — Adal Rifai

Usidore — Matt Young

Larry Birdman — Rush Howell

Metamore — Bill Arnett

Clax — TJ Jagodowski

Caball’on — John Sabine
Slobe Dobeman — Liam O'Brien 

Soon after I began listening to the podcast, I remember hearing Usidore say the Dark Lord vowed to build a wall to keep out the forest, before expressing his confusion towards the Dark Lord’s promise that the forest would pay for the wall.

This was obviously a reference to Donald Trump’s campaign promise to build a border wall with Mexico and that Mexico would pay for it.

Once I heard the joke about the wall, I knew I would like this podcast.

Congratulations to the cast and crew of “Hello from the Magic Tavern” for five years of quality improv comedy from Foon.

I hope the show will be successful for many years to come.