It’s time for King Trump to Abdicate the Throne

  

By Darrell Heraldry, for Fox Nation

 

What follows is either a work of vicious satire, or an editorial originally published on Fox Nation, a companion website to foxnews.com.

Remember, satire often employs exaggeration to show the absurdity of the real world.

If satire is easily mistaken for the real thing, it can force the reader to reconsider their views on the topic being discussed. 

But this disclaimer might not even be relevant, as the editorial below could actually be real. I’ll let you judge for yourself.

I report, you decide.

 

 

After a glorious two-month reign, the time has finally come for King Trump to abdicate his throne.

Now that he has fixed all of America’s most vexing problems, the American Cincinnatus can confidently retire to a quiet life at Mar-a-Lago.

 

 

Let’s take a Fair and Balanced © look at Trump’s reign as America’s King.

God chose Donald Trump to become America’s King when he saved Trump from an assassin’s bullet during the 2024 presidential campaign.

Having secured God’s blessing to rule by divine right, all that remained was the simple matter of winning the election, itself.

In its hour of greatest need, America turned to Donald Trump.

America chose a strong man to lead a great country during a trying time.

Trump promised America he would become a dictator, because he alone could fix America’s problems.

America agreed, and elected Trump in a landslide popular vote victory, so that he could exercise the absolute powers he promised America he would wield.

 

 

On Jan. 20, 2025, Donald Trump was coronated as America’s King.

Immediately, he threw off the checks and balances that had shackled the American presidency, making America weak, and its leaders impotent.

Trump declared himself to be America’s absolute monarch, bringing an end to America’s brief phase of experimenting with democracy. 

 

 

 

Time Magazine published this commemorative edition following Donald Trump’s coronation as the American King, and his subsequent declaration of absolute power via executive order.

 

 

Trump went to work fixing America’s problems, unburdened by the limitations imposed by those who wished to limit the powers of the American King, and thus the American Nation, itself.

Trump removed America from international agreements that screwed over American industry, and limited American power.

Trump stemmed the flow of immigrants who were poisoning the blood of our country.  

 

 

Trump, with the assistance of the genius entrepreneur Elon Musk, went to work dismantling the deep state, which had so thwarted Trump during his first term.

Trump and Musk eliminated entire agencies, by divine right, even though Congress created and funded those agencies through the laws it had passed.

But America had long lost its appetite for governing through a weak and impotent Congress, and chose to rule through a decisive strongman, instead. 

 

Nonetheless, King Trump, in a display of generosity and grace, chose to allow Congress to continue to convene, in a purely advisory role, rather than dissolve the unpopular remnant of a foregone era.

 

 

 

Donald Trump wasn’t the first American President to declare himself King. 

President Andrew Jackson reigned under the royal title of King Andrew I from 1829-37.

Jackson can be seen here in his official White House royal portrait.

Martin Van Buren briefly ruled as Steward from 1837-41, before the US resumed its dalliance with democratic rule.

 

 

In only two mere months, Trump solved the cost of living crisis in America.

He also displayed the terrifying military and economic power of the American empire to its many enemies: Canada, Denmark, Panama, and Ukraine.

 

 

Musk eliminated the woke mind virus from not only America, but the world.

And he did so by silencing anyone who disagreed, thus making the world safe for free speech.

Musk ended all waste, fraud, and abuse in entire agencies, by shuttering those agencies entirely, including the Education Department, NOAA, USAID, Veterans Administration, and Social Security.

This allowed Republicans to approve a massive tax cut for rich people, so the billionaire masters of industry could urinate upon the peons below them, through the majesty of trickle down economics, just like the robber barons of old.

 

 

 

Now that America’s problems are solved, the time has come for Donald Trump to abdicate the throne.

And he should do so with the flair and fanfare he is known for.

Trump should announce he will give a live television broadcast to the nation, where he will deliver a major announcement, without saying what it will be.

Countries around the world, which have taken advantage of America for years, will cower in fear that Trump might announce they will be invaded by the great power of the American military. 

 

 

 

Trump can then declare, after saying he alone could fix America, that he has fixed America. 

 

From that point forward, his adoring subjects will no longer wear red hats that say, “Make America Great Again.”

Instead, their red hats will proclaim, “Mission Accomplished.”

 

 

 

Once King Trump abdicates the throne, these “Mission Accomplished” red MAGA hats will be available from the White House gift shop for $19.99.

 

Trump can announce he will give himself a lifetime pardon for anything he has ever done or ever will do, and that he will retire to a quiet life at Mar-a-Lago, confident he has proven himself to be the greatest president of all time.

 

 

Once Trump abdicates, he can confidently pass the baton of the American Monarchy to the next in line, his son, Donald Trump Jr.

When the elder Trump hears Americans declare, “God Save the King!”, he will know that his family will rule over the American Monarchy, and all of American politics, for the rest of time. 

 

God Save the King!

 

 

 

Darrell Heraldry is a Fox News contributor and host of the hit podcast, “All the King’s Men.” New episodes are available Monday through Friday on the Fox Podcast Network.

 

 

I hope you enjoyed reading this editorial from Fox News's own discount viscount, Darrell Heraldry. 

For an alternate view on the presidency of Donald Trump, you can read an editorial written by Malakai Castlequill for the wizarding journal, “The Astute Owl.”