Pundits and Politicians

A Spoof on MSNBC’s Election Coverage

Saturday Night Live did an awesome piece making fun of the personalities at Fox News in the segment “Embracing Civility”. I decided to try my hand at satire and come up with a fictional script for my friends at MSNBC. The following parody of the personalities of pundits and politicians is full of hidden references to actual comments, which will hopefully entertain those who watch the media closely. THIS IS A FICTIONAL SCRIPT NOT AN ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT. Enjoy.

O’Donnell: Welcome back to MSNBC’s 2012 election coverage. And what a nail biter it has been.

Matthews: I know, this whole election season has been absolutely bizarre. In the beginning of 2011 the economy appeared to be making a comeback. None of the respectable republican candidates entered the race because they didn’t think that they could beat Obama.

Maddow: And that’s how we ended up with the Palin/Bachman ticket.

Matthews: Exactly. Then Bank of America collapsed.

O’Donnell:  No one could have seen it coming.

Ratigan: (enters) I did! The systematic fraud in Bank of America’s mortgage system has been painfully apparent for years!

O’Donnell:  (genuinely puzzled) Who are you?

Ratigan: I’m MSNBC’s business host. I have a show at 4 in the afternoon. I come on right before the first airing of Hardball.

O’Donnell: I think I might have seen a promo for one of your shows once.

Ratigan: Aaahh! (muttered under his breath as he leaves the set) Money-printing, politician-buying, scoundrel!

Matthews: Anyway, the collapse of Bank of America caused the stock market crash, actually creating the possibility of a Palin victory. America truly had a hard time choosing between the republican balloon-heads and the guys who couldn’t fix the economy.

Shultz: And what was Palin’s proposed response to the collapse of Bank of America? Less regulation on Wall Street! After Wall Street Fatcats raked in millions for pushing money around and twice crashing the entire world economy, Palin’s response is to propose removing the final restraints on their sociopathic behavior!

Maddow: (troubled) Ed, you’re on fire.

Shultz: I know.

Maddow: No, literally, Ed, you’re on fire.

Shultz: I’m on fire! Ahhh! (leaves set)

(Matthews, O’Donnell, and Maddow remain)

(Pause)

Matthews: The teabaggers don’t even look presidential. Bachman looks like a chewed up pencil and Palin looks like…

(young NBC staffer races on stage and covers Chris Matthews’ mouth, his  words incoherently pass through the staffer’s hands, staffer drags Matthews offstage,)

(O’Donnell, Maddow remain)

Maddow: And all we hear from the right is about how Sarah Palin is the first female presidential candidate from a major party. I got it already. Let’s hear what she thinks on actual policy issues.

O’Donnell: I know, the thing that gets me the most though, is how much Palin and Bachman get wrong in history alone! Palin celebrated Regan winning World War II, had George Washington creating Guantanamo to indefinitely hold prisoners of war rounded up from “foreign adventures”…

Maddow: And Bachman had the battles of Lexington and Concord happen in New Hampshire.

O’Donnell: It’s a national disgrace. (Pause) And we’re just now getting in the final results from Ohio. NBC predicts that Ohio, and by extension the presidency, will go to…Sarah Palin.

(Awkward Pause)

Matthews, Shultz, O’Donnell, and Maddow: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!



Originally posted March 22, 2011