Kangaroo Courts

[The following skit is a satirical take on some of the less productive ways that we often discuss sensitive issues surrounding race, gender, and other social categories. If you enjoy this comedic post, you might also enjoy my skits on sex education, President Barack Obama, MSNBC, and the 2012 Republican presidential candidates.]

In the privacy of his own home, a lawyer practices an argument he is going to present at trial.

“Your honor, due to prosecutorial misconduct, my client has effectively been subjected to the whims of a kangaroo court.”

A kangaroo knocks down the door to the lawyer’s home and goes off on a tirade.

“I have had it with you Placentals and your anti-Marsupial bigotry. Just because your offspring develop inside your mothers’ bodies, you think you are so much better than the rest of us in the Mammalian Taxonomic Class,” the Kangaroo begins.

“I’ll have you know that kangaroos cherish the right to adequate due process in our courts. Our defendants have the right to expert counsel; the right to cross-examine accusers, and other prosecution witnesses; the right to testify on their own behalf, or alternatively, to remain silent, to avoid self-incrimination; and the right to be presumed innocent, unless proven guilty, beyond a reasonable doubt, by a jury of their peers.

“And unlike your courts, Kangaroos actually adequately fund our public defenders.”

The human lawyer is baffled by the concept of a talking kangaroo, let alone one who can so passionately defend the right to due process.

The lawyer responds, “It’s just an old saying. It’s catchy. I didn’t realize Kangaroos even had courts.”

The Kangaroo replies, “Maybe you should do some fucking research before you go talking about subjects you know nothing about. Just like an American to go around judging the rest of the world when you don’t even have your own shit together.”

The lawyer elaborates, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend.”

With a smug look of someone who has won an unnecessary argument, the kangaroo concludes, “Next time, remember to check your privilege before you open your big mouth.”

The Kangaroo hops away.

Scene change to the lawyer’s bedroom. The lawyer is sleeping in bed. The lawyer awakes and remarks, “I have the weirdest dreams. I should probably spend a little less time on Tumblr.”